Chapter Thirty-three

“I had the dream again last night.”
“How many nights does this make?”
“Four in a row, six in total.”
“Were there any changes?”
“Not that I can tell. Unless my mind has been so used to seeing the same dream that it blocks out any changes or masks them. Is that even possible?”
“I’m not sure. I didn’t study dream patterns. But let’s run through the dream one more time.”
“Do we have to?”
“You’re here because of them, are you not?”
“I suppose.”
“From the top.”

I cleared my throat.

“It was daylight, but I’m not sure what part of the day exactly. The sun was high so it could have been the afternoon.

I was sitting on a park bench listening to music when Sofia approached. She took a seat next to me. We didn’t say much. I held her hand. It was…nice. I enjoy moments like that with her. It was because of Sofia I grew fond of them.

She looked at me with a smile but her eyes were sad. ‘Do you love me?’ She asked.

I don’t know how to love. Or rather, I’ve never been interested in another persons life long enough to answer such a thing. But she made me feel as if I could love, and be loved.

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I love you.’

Saying the words, I’ve never felt so sure about anything coming off my tongue before.

I kissed her. Long. Lovingly.

Her face then became that of Wendy’s.

My heart raced. My breath caught in my larynx. My lips stuttered to speak but nothing formed that could be comprehended.

‘You aren’t capable of love.’ Wendy said. ‘You only care about yourself. You’ve never allowed yourself to be vulnerable for another human being, and you never will.’

‘No!’ I yelled in a panic, my heart beating faster. ‘Just because I couldn’t love you doesn’t mean I’m incapable of it. I needed to find it, that’s all.’

‘Then why are you cheating on me,’ Wendy said  who then switched back to Sofia.

The metamorphosis was instantaneous; it came faster than a blink. My mind struggled to comprehend it all.

‘I- I don’t know.’ I quickly said to Sofia, not knowing how long she would remain in this state. ‘You are the first person who involuntarily made me knock down my proverbial walls. My answer to such a thing was infidelity. For that, I am truly sorry.’

‘Are you really?’ Sofia now transformed into Daisy.

Before I could respond, or even try to, there was a sudden pain in my stomach. I doubled over and then collapsed on the concrete floor below.

I touched my hand to my stomach. When I lifted it at eye level there was blood.

I looked up at Daisy only she wasn’t alone; Sofia and Wendy sat at her sides.

That’s when I would wake up sweating profusely with my heart racing.”

He took some final notes and then looked at me. “Do you think this dream is stemming from the guilt you’ve accumulated since realizing you’re in love with Sofia?” “That’s the thing, doc; I don’t know if I really am in love with her. I think I may possibly be. But I haven’t sat down and assessed my feelings for her. As for any guilt I may be feeling- there is none. I knew what I was doing and still went ahead with it.”

“The dream came from somewhere.”
“I read that one in three adulterous men were killed by their girlfriend or spouses in a fit of rage.”
“That didn’t worry you?”
“As I said I knew what I was doing and still went along with it.”
“So, why are you here?”
“I think the dream does have a message, but perhaps you and I aren’t seeing it the same way.”
“And what message do you think its giving you?”

I sat upright and stared at him.a moment, no emotion present on my face.

“That I’m not being careful enough.”


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