I’ve had an OKCupid account for the past 3 or so yrs. I met my ex on it. Women on OKC have said they’ve tried Match.com but their time on it resulted in nothing. I’ve never signed up for a dating site where you have to pay to meet women. My theory has always been “why am I paying for a service where the same people, if not catfish accounts, can be found for free somewhere else?” OKC has what’s called A-List Membership where, for a price, you can have added features on top of the free ones like more inbox room. I’m not going to pay for extra features and I certainly don’t need more than a 300 message limit.
There’s a certain kind of science that goes with online dating that you must pair with logical reasoning and common sense. I’m going to break it down as simply as possible using the standard messaging limit combined with this science/common sense.
Let’s say in a week you message 300 women. It’s possible. I’ve done it a few times. On several occasions I’ve almost hit the limit but deleted everything to start fresh, so that’s 200-250 messages more in any given week. Why did I do that? Simple: no responses. Out of 300 messages sent I get maybe a 5% response rate. That’s sad, especially when you’re coupling this with the fact that in 2013 we’re all using the app. Now, if this were 3 years ago it might be different because smartphones weren’t as big. Technology may move fast but women still remain glued to their phones whether it be texting friends or tweeting, scrolling through her IG feed, if she still uses facebook you have to take that into account as well.
Let’s dissect things from a 3 years ago perspective. With no app letting us know you’ve got messages women are forced to log on via a computer. If her inbox is full- like 60% of women claim on their profiles (but men know because the site says as much when attempting to message one)- she’s got a lot of assholes, douche bags, nice guys (or supposed nice guys), etc to sift through. 300 prospective men at her fingertips ready to talk to her for any given reason. She’s not going to answer all the messages. Some get deleted. Some get bypassed by accident. Some are just left in her inbox collecting pixelated dust because she “forgot” about the account. Some instances men double message a woman which may further cause her to miss yours. Taking all of this into account on top of you formulating an educated guess that she’s busy (because her profile states she’s in school/working full time/both), why would a sane man wait for one woman to respond?
This is where women come up with the assumption that men are talking to multiple women. No, we’re not. We may send multiple women messages but if one actually shows interest we invest time in that one because, like you, we’re busy and you should be formulating your own guesses as well. So with this in mind let’s do some math:
300 messages a week x 4 weeks = 1200 messages sent
5% of 1200 = 60
60 first response messages in one month doesn’t sound that bad on paper. But you have to think logically about that 60 which is where the pre-app dissection comes from, but can also be applied to present day. That 60, in my opinion, is being generous. Using the pattern of how women responded to messages pre-app that number might be lower. With the app in play it could be correct since there’s no way a woman won’t know about what’s in her inbox- that’s what notifications are for. But at the same time her reasoning for not responding still applies as with pre-app days. So either way you’re fucked.
This is why I refuse to pay for a service. Why am I going to pay to send women messages if they may easily forget they have an account, or my message goes unnoticed? What’s the point?
I once experimented on a “dating” site a few yrs back. Using a random woman’s picture I created a fake profile. The goal was to see if what women say about their inboxes were true which means, yes I catfished. Within 2 days of creating this account I had two dozen men in this fake woman’s inbox trying to solicit sex, woo her with corny pick up lines, and general conversation starters like “hey.” The pictures I used were not from an attractive woman. I decided on that because “ugly” women stake these claims too. In a week I shut it down because I couldn’t keep up with the demand. Using the data I collected on this with my own logical deductions and common sense the 5% is more than fair despite it crushing your ego since you’re on a quest for…something.
The dating world is frustrating and takes patience away from a person very quickly. If online dating is your mode of choice, for whatever reason, you’re going to have to live with the facts stated above. As technology grows, despite thinking meeting someone new will get easier, it won’t. It never will because women will always be faced with a full inbox. Figuratively and literally. So you have to be armed with logic and common sense.