Until my early twenties- probably about 23 or 24- if you asked me “would you date a porn star?” my answer would have been no. Then something miraculous happened- I grew up. It only came, however, when evaluating myself and how my own job was being perceived by women.
This month (March 2015, for when the post gets old) I will be working in the security business for eight years. At the time of my induction my brother had just began working in this field and was making decent money. My family and I were living in a homeless shelter and having been home for some time after leaving Orlando and the Disney College Program, I needed to make money. Fast.
Enrolling back into college I picked up a part-time schedule because my GPA wouldn’t allow anything past that. Along with circumstances at home I also interpreted that I’d need to work part-time. So that’s what I got hired for.
I dated someone for three months but screwed myself up in school. This comes as a shock even to me but one of the classes was English and I failed it- didn’t read Jane Eyre, the required reading. The book was boring and I still can’t get through the first ten pages without wanting to nap. The other class was something pertaining to law and I passed that with a B+ while skipping a lot (shocked about this too).
From the time that girlfriend and I broke till 2012 I didn’t have a steady girlfriend. Whenever I talked with women about work it was met with less than enthusiastic interest. This annoyed me. These women may have had a bachelor’s degree at most but were sitting at a desk making a base salary while I could easily make what they earned by working 40 hours a week, with or without overtime included. Some of these women had two jobs and were still not making enough but had the nerve to look down on me.
To add fuel to the proverbial fire whenever living arrangements were brought up mine were frowned upon yet there’s were the same thing- living at home. Look, NY isn’t a cheap city to live in. If it’s necessary for you to live with family- paying rent or not- I will not judge you. But the ones who seemed to be doing it were those not from here. Incidentally enough, that’s who I ended up going on the most dates with.
By 25 I started asking myself why this was happening. I felt like a decent enough catch. I don’t abuse drugs, have no kids (still don’t which, apparently, is a rarity), don’t gamble, have something I’m passionate about, responsible, honest and all that jazz that goes with self analysis. So why were dudes who had less than me and in the same situation but not doing anything for themselves getting all the women? Why wasn’t I being shown any respect when I don’t disrespect you while understanding your situation? So what if I didn’t have a piece of paper that socially says I’ve done something myself and others are marginally qualified for? Do you know how many Master’s degree holders still hold no job in their field of choice?
It one day hit me that porn stars and many women in the sex business deal with such questions every day. Some couldn’t graduate high school because they got knocked up but ended up getting their GED and then an Associate’s degree. The line “I’m doing this to pay for school” is used by plenty in the amateur casting couch videos. They’re tired lines but Belle Knox is proof whereas we don’t know if it’s part of the script or real. Sasha Grey, Jenna Jameson, and Asa Akira are examples of intelligent women using the business for their own gain while having played “by the rules”, so to speak. So they’re not all “brainless” like a lot of men assume.
Whatever the case may be I looked at these women through a different lens and the images only grew sharper with interactions via Twitter.
For some time I’ve been following Kira Sinn, a porn star I became familiar with upon discovering Amateur Allure on YouPorn. Through her tweets I became aware- despite knowing they’re actual people but never having been in contact with one- that, not in the fantasy sense but actuality, she and I shared common interests. One in particular is video games. She’s even favorited tweets of mine pertaining to Final Fantasy (which brought a moment of joy because it felt like a celebrity had noticed me).
Coupling my interactions with Kira Sinn and (hopefully) other porn stars down the road, I’d like to earn one’s trust enough to be allowed to take on a date. I don’t have any expectations regarding the outcome because if she, like any other woman, says no to sex that’s the final word. There was an episode of Law&Order: SVU on the subject of rape and an amateur porn star that touched several nerves because men who think just because she does it for money means she’ll willingly accept it from you. It’s disgusting, vile, and these men need to be castrated.
Bottom line, ask yourself “would you date a porn star” and then “are women discriminating against me because of my job” then ask the former again. Growing up is a great thing sometimes.