Over ten years you and two friends contribute $20 each into a lottery pool every two weeks. One day the guy in charge of money and tickets asks, “How much do you think we’ve spent the past ten years?” Grinning, he raises a bank statement with $20,800 written on it and says “What should we do?” (I am writing this as a guy pitching a “Bradley Cooper will be in this movie” script)
This part should be done like Hangover, or whatever dude-bro movie Bradley Cooper is in. How every movie has become so cliche all they have to say is “Bradley Cooper movie” they’ll know what’s meant….
*The screen fades out to white, revealing a quick glance at the clusters of clouds. to the three gentlemen*
Male 1: “What should we do guys” *He’s Hispanic, brown skinned, pretty boy haircut Latin Edition. He shouldn’t be the lead because we know this is a Bradley Cooper movie so even when he’s not the lead Bradley Cooper is the lead which is why we especially pad on his conflict parts of his character development*
Male 2: I don’t know man my wife would kick my ass if I don’t say take the money. Kids are expensive, guys. Don’t do it. *Bradley Cooper. No, seriously. Just put him here. Fuck auditions. This is Bradley Cooper cliche*
Male 3: Nah c’mon guys let’s do something ridiculously stupid with it that we can tell our grand kids in regretful tones all about it *Kevin Hart-eque comedic style, but not black. Are Hispanic men that height and comedic style in existence?*
*While Bradley Cooper cliche character tries to briefly talk them into splitting it, he got on board with Not-Kevin-Hart-but-Kevin-Hart, convinces him into investing in a new toy company that supplies Giraffe plastic toys with retractable necks. If you pictured neon pink, orange, or green configurations on the neck with the giraffe its normal colors, then you’re on the money with its absurdity.
*Bradley Cooper cliche character does, in fact, cheat on his wife. Just how you’d think; drunk flirting when he knew he shouldn’t but preys anyway (woman he cheats with is blonde- looks the type to know you’re married and let you cheat with- which is his type, who he always cheats with in movies anyway). Confesses, cries which just look fake too because he doesn’t look like he should even care that he got caught (think when women do it for sympathy)*
*All they end up doing is spending it on booze being stupid which is why there’s a [record scratch, free frame- yup, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation] meme of some convoluted way of saying “this movie will be zany, go see it because you love dudebro dirty comedies”*
Fade to Black….
*Cut me a check*