Friends

On twitter, there are a few conversation topics that will perpetually remain on your timeline regardless of how much time passes. In the relationships section there’s a subgenre of folks who always want to know “if your new significant other doesn’t like ____, out of respect would you stop talking to them?” Almost all of them said, in some variation, “I would do it to avoid conflict.” These are also the same people who complain about not having any friends once relationships end. How ironic blank stare

Whenever this topic is brought up you’ll get a lot of folks who also sound as though being in a relationship means they get to boss someone around; don’t go here, stop hanging out with this person, blah blah blah. This isn’t just coming from users under 18 being retweeted. They range from twenty-one to mid thirties, on both answers.

Here’s my opinion, and it’s one I’ve had since my very early twenties (at the time this was posted I am 31): I am not going to tell you what to do, so I expect the same. I am not your keeper, I will not hold your hand during your decision making, don’t do the same with me. We are allowing one another into our lives for X amount of time, we had lives before we met and we’ll continue to have them once we part ways.

When this question is raised it 9 times out of 10 will center around an ex. “Can you really be friends with an ex?” “If your S/O doesn’t like your ex will you stop talking to them because your bf/gf doesn’t like your connection?” My answer is always no. Why don’t you like our connection? Is this dislike stemming from jealousy? If so, that’s a problem you have to deal with, not me.

Let’s say your ex cheated on you and you two are now friends. While I think it’s weird you’d allow someone who willingly hurt you back into your life, I’m not going to tell you not to see them because I’d like to think you have enough common sense to not put yourself in a situation where this person who once hurt you might try to do so again while taking advantage of a possible vulnerability because you two have “history.”

By default, women already assume all men want is sex and even while dating someone they choose (or are brainwashed into thinking it’s their own decision) to not have male friends outside of their boyfriend. So, why bring a man who violated your trust back into your life knowing this could cause a plethora of arguments? Common sense should have told you “stay the hell away.” Are you saying you have zero common sense? Are not capable of making decisions on your own? As I said, I will not hold your hand. I’ll let you fuck it all up on your own because you were dumb enough to let the situation become a reality. Oh I’ll tell you I think it’s dumb, but not out of jealousy so don’t assume that’s what I’m being.

Perhaps you’re thinking “but this can also apply to an ex who didn’t cheat, maybe the ex is trying to get that second chance they never got” and you’re probably right. Which is why I still will not tell you who to be friends with. That is your decision and whatever happens is on you. Should something transpire it’s not my fault for treating our relationship with respect and you like an adult, it’s yours for being childish and clearly not ready for anything “grown up.” And you can’t tell your friends “I leaned on ____ because he wasn’t treating me right” but the guilt of your own stupidity will forever hover over your head, and I think that will make the sting hurt just a little less.

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