Ugly Boy’s Manifesto- A Short Story

Ever since she blocked me once my identity was revealed, being ugly was no longer a doubt. I knew it were true but sometimes you can’t help living in a bubble of denial. Being ugly hinders your ability to think straight; everything you say seems like it isn’t being taken serious. Nobody cares for your opinions because of the way you look. “Society” tells us to build women’s self confidence and act as though men are born with it. But “society” is talked about as if it were a single entity rather than the buildup of collective opinions to which everyone eventually follows, then believes. Like robots given a program and not knowing to divert. They can’t divert because it isn’t in their code. But humans aren’t robots, we’re capable of so much better than this. So why does “society” make me feel this way. Even when you have the confidence why can it get stripped away either by internal or external forces.

Being ugly cripples the idea that someone attractive may actually want something legitimate with you. You see it when you talk to them; they don’t answer so you may as well be speaking to a wall. It’s the equivalent to being in school saying “where’s my hug?” to the attractive girl doling them out because it’s a social setting, seems right, but the idea of coming into contact with you makes her wince. This can be seen all over her face as her hands and body barely touch you. Like you’re less than her, not worthy of even being within her breathing space.

“Society” makes men feel like if they don’t have certain things by certain times they aren’t a man. But when you’re ugly how can you check off those “get married by ____” boxes when you’re lucky to go on one date a year. You blame “toxic masculinity” on society but ugly men don’t need to conform, we’re trying to get over the first hump: don’t let your anxiety about ____ take over.

“Just be more confident.” How I wish this phrase was scratched from existence already. Like those suffering from depression, you think they *choose* to have it? Even if it were easily conjured up you and I both know it wouldn’t make a difference. Funny. “Society” in movies has the unattractive guy friends with the “hot” girl but she’ll never see him as anything but, as if even that platonic connection happens in real life. If life imitated art, well…

Don’t tell me about my experiences. “Society” says we’re not supposed to question when a woman speaks of hers, so just because I’m of the opposite gender doesn’t make these claims any less viable. I know what I know because being ugly has opened my eyes far wider than you’ll ever see. So don’t try to discredit me, call these ramblings “the product of misogyny because girls don’t want to date me.” This isn’t merely about women, contrary to the tone. When your employers also aren’t taking you seriously you start to let every aspect of your life falter. Basic connections become that much more difficult. A bitter tone develops, envelopes the brain. Soon you’re not only ugly on the outside but due to the attitude change, now your insides aren’t worth a look. This hasn’t happened to me. Not yet.

I’m not mad, just disappointed that humans still haven’t evolved. All this talk of body positivity, encouragement to be self confident, all goes to women. Where’s mine, the other men like me? Why isn’t anyone ever listening to our problems? They exist, they matter. Like I matter. Like *we* matter.

…There’s that denial bubble. Okay, I’m done talking. Nobody’s listening anyway. Things will be better once I’m gone. So, see ya. Shame we couldn’t get to know one another. You just couldn’t see past exterior to get to what’s inside. Good luck with everything.

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One thought on “Ugly Boy’s Manifesto- A Short Story

  1. Wow this is such a great piece. I see where you’re coming from and I’ve expressed some of the same sentiments. I will, however, challenge you about your claim that “All this talk of body positivity, encouragement to be self confident, all goes to women”. This is not afforded to all women. As a woman of color who does not fit into the western beauty standards, I have been looked over in these same regards in rooms with white women (who make allowances for other white women, mostly regarding weight, and sexuality) and in rooms full of black men (who make allowances for Asian, Latina and white women). One of my exes, after almost 3 years together admitted that he was obsessed with whiteness. The lighter the woman, the better. He admitted that white women didn’t have to be attractive for him to be attracted to them but black women had to be nearly perfect for him to even look at them. He yelled at me about how dark I am and got offended when I called him dark skinned one day (he’s several shades darker than I am). He, and so many other people have this hierarchy and tailor their interactions with people based off of it. In conversations regarfing beauty standards, attractiveness, vulnerability AND deservedness, women of color are left out. Look at the civil rights and women’s movements. It happens on both the macro and micro levels and it really sucks.

    I’m sorry that you were made to feel this way. I really hope that you don’t come to believe that you’re ugly or unworthy because of people’s shallow asses. One thing that I had to learn the hard way (through my relationship with me ex) is that these people who hold these ideals to be correct and true are NOT the people you want on your life anyway. These are shallow people, and from what I’ve read from you so far, it doesn’t seem like you want that kind of love in any capacity. So when you feel people ignore you, let them. Don’t wait for a pretty girl to love you. Try to stop anticipating negative instances and picking apart scenarios to figure how what someone thinks of you physically. Those are things that eventually come to overshadow otherwise amazing experiences. They will drive you crazy. Trust me, I know. I did this all the time with my ex and he enjoyed seeing me compare myself to white women and beg for his attention. It’s never good for you.

    Cling to your family and friends. Try to meet people in settings where you’re most comfortable. You will find like minded folks who will love you like you need and want to be loved. So you might not fit conventional beauty standards. So what? You KNOW they’re made up and you know how people acting based off of them can have terrible consequences. Do you really want to be a part of that?

    You shun these ideals, but you want to be a part of a world where you get the same attention that hurts others. I’m not shaming you, I’m just sharing this because this is a realization that I had to come to myself. You don’t want what you think you want. The sooner you realize that, the better you will feel and the sooner you can haultimate ass on the path to finding what you really want.

    I really hope that I didn’t offend you. And I really hope that you find what you need.

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