Ever since she blocked me once my identity was revealed, being ugly was no longer a doubt. I knew it were true but sometimes you can’t help living in a bubble of denial. Being ugly hinders your ability to think straight; everything you say seems like it isn’t being taken serious. Nobody cares for your opinions because of the way you look. “Society” tells us to build women’s self confidence and act as though men are born with it. But “society” is talked about as if it were a single entity rather than the buildup of collective opinions to which everyone eventually follows, then believes. Like robots given a program and not knowing to divert. They can’t divert because it isn’t in their code. But humans aren’t robots, we’re capable of so much better than this. So why does “society” make me feel this way. Even when you have the confidence why can it get stripped away either by internal or external forces.
Being ugly cripples the idea that someone attractive may actually want something legitimate with you. You see it when you talk to them; they don’t answer so you may as well be speaking to a wall. It’s the equivalent to being in school saying “where’s my hug?” to the attractive girl doling them out because it’s a social setting, seems right, but the idea of coming into contact with you makes her wince. This can be seen all over her face as her hands and body barely touch you. Like you’re less than her, not worthy of even being within her breathing space.
“Society” makes men feel like if they don’t have certain things by certain times they aren’t a man. But when you’re ugly how can you check off those “get married by ____” boxes when you’re lucky to go on one date a year. You blame “toxic masculinity” on society but ugly men don’t need to conform, we’re trying to get over the first hump: don’t let your anxiety about ____ take over.
“Just be more confident.” How I wish this phrase was scratched from existence already. Like those suffering from depression, you think they *choose* to have it? Even if it were easily conjured up you and I both know it wouldn’t make a difference. Funny. “Society” in movies has the unattractive guy friends with the “hot” girl but she’ll never see him as anything but, as if even that platonic connection happens in real life. If life imitated art, well…
Don’t tell me about my experiences. “Society” says we’re not supposed to question when a woman speaks of hers, so just because I’m of the opposite gender doesn’t make these claims any less viable. I know what I know because being ugly has opened my eyes far wider than you’ll ever see. So don’t try to discredit me, call these ramblings “the product of misogyny because girls don’t want to date me.” This isn’t merely about women, contrary to the tone. When your employers also aren’t taking you seriously you start to let every aspect of your life falter. Basic connections become that much more difficult. A bitter tone develops, envelopes the brain. Soon you’re not only ugly on the outside but due to the attitude change, now your insides aren’t worth a look. This hasn’t happened to me. Not yet.
I’m not mad, just disappointed that humans still haven’t evolved. All this talk of body positivity, encouragement to be self confident, all goes to women. Where’s mine, the other men like me? Why isn’t anyone ever listening to our problems? They exist, they matter. Like I matter. Like *we* matter.
…There’s that denial bubble. Okay, I’m done talking. Nobody’s listening anyway. Things will be better once I’m gone. So, see ya. Shame we couldn’t get to know one another. You just couldn’t see past exterior to get to what’s inside. Good luck with everything.